Couples: How to Avoid Ugly Fighting On Vacation

Have you ever experienced ugly fighting on vacation with your partner? You know what I mean, red-faced screaming, batting insults like a rapid-fire game of ping-pong? Or, even worse, creating a dramatic scene? Do you dread traveling with your husband/wife because all you do is fight? Have ‘couple trips’ become stressful?

I wonder, are couples choosing solo vacations because of vacation incompatibility, or do they not want to be together anymore?

Sad couples on vacation make me sad. 😞 Because I believe if couples intimately know their personalities and take time to understand their spouse’s unique personality traits, getaways can become transformational; expanding and strengthening the relationship.

In a time crunch because you’re packing for vacation? No worries, read the recap here. But I strongly suggest you read this before the plane touches down if you desire a joyful getaway. Or even better, before you start planning a trip, you may want to book a couple’s soul session to identify your traits for a happier getaway.

Ugly Fighting On Vacation

OK, let’s face it, even the most enlightened, happy, and in-love couples will have a spat or two. I believe this is normal and healthy. It’s when fighting escalates and gets ugly when you have an issue. 

My personal experience of ugly fighting wasn’t pretty, but I must share the nasty. At the time, I lived with a lot of self-doubt, and I was the ultimate pleaser. Both of these behaviors were the result of fear and conditioned beliefs and from not knowing my personality type and believing all the crap I was told for decades. I also feared that I wouldn’t be loved if I didn’t please and go along. As I look back on this, I freely gave my power away without a second thought. UGH!

I knew that I liked exploring, meeting people, and finding out what makes a place tick. These characteristics are my extroverted intuition, my primary trait taking the lead. I’d be happy to wander by myself, as I get restless without activity – My personality type is ENTP, the Curious traveler. Peopling is how I learn.

This behavior didn’t sit well with my ex-partner, a controlling, commander-type persona– not a good match for my free-spirited, spontaneous, inquisitive personality type. Can you see how an ugly, screaming fight was inevitable? 😳 Sometimes, two opposites just don’t fit!

Romance Success

Getting to know one another’s type traits on a deep level is a smart move. Actually, this should be a top priority when you first start dating. You’ll avoid many disagreements and become more compassionate and accepting of one another. If my partner understood that I needed time to wander, explore, and learn, I would have been more forgiving of his schedule, organized, and take-charge ways.

Actor Bill Murray on Traveling Together

Actor Bill Murray was dining at a steakhouse in South Carolina and found himself in the midst of a bachelor party. Murray tells a few jokes and closes with a profound toast on the topic of traveling as a couple.

If you have someone that you think is the one, don’t just think in your ordinary mind, “Okay, let’s make a date, let’s plan this, and make a party and get married.” Take that person and travel around the world. Buy a plane ticket for the two of you to travel all around the world and go to places that are hard to go to and hard to get out of. And if when you land at JFK, and you’re still in love with that person, get married at the airport.

Bill Murray, Actor

Don’t Think in Your Ordinary Mind

OMG, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this part of Murray’s quote, ‘don’t think in your ordinary mind.’ It’s foundational for happier travel. When I think of the ordinary mind, I think of a conditioned mind— one that has been victimized by ego and fear-based influences over a lifetime. I’m a living example of this. How many times do we please, give in, or go along to keep the peace? The problem with this is you give up your own peace, which leads to disagreements and resentment on vacation and in life. Short-term gains but in the long run, unhappiness is inevitable.

When I talk about influences, I’m not just referring to childhood or life experiences. Look at how romantic travel is portrayed. What do you see? Flawless, perfect couples. Smiling couples. Couples in love. Kissing, holding hands, and drinking champagne. And sitting in a hot tub. (Is this why Viagra’s ads always use a couple in a hot tub …hmmm) What’s being portrayed in these ads is an illusion. I know I worked in travel for decades. Here’s what I believe it’s really all about…

Traveling with an Opposite: What to Do? 

First, you need to forget the marketing hype you see and travel YOUR way as a couple. We’ve all been sold a bill of goods that to have a beautiful romantic vacation; you better book the best hotel money can buy. And let’s not forget all of the perfect fashion, the Louis Vuitton luggage, the gourmet meals, thousand dollar bottles of champagne…

And here’s where I believe solo side trips can be of benefit. Why not let your extroverted partner take a few hours to enjoy the hottest attractions, or your introverted partner take a few hours to sit poolside and read? Enjoying what you love helps you travel happier, and you’ll have new things to share with your partner when you meet up later.

Understanding opposite viewpoints will take some time to appreciate, and you’ll probably squabble over a few things. Often, in healthy relationships, it is the small things. For example, your extrovert lover may be guilty of dragging their introverted partner around. Or an introvert lover doesn’t notice that a day-by-the-pool reading makes their extrovert partner antsy and irritated. Yeah, extroverts need action, while introverts prefer low-key surroundings.

There is not such thing as a perfect romantic getaway. It’s more about wanting to connect, love the other person with an open mind, and enjoy the moments with one another, way more important than the stuff!

Nina Zapala

Hundreds and Hundreds of Travelers On Their Vacation Experience

I was a part of the travel marketing machine, and what’s worse, I knew my press release wouldn’t get editorialized in luxury travel magazines if I didn’t curate a press release for the perfect couple (is there such a thing?) enjoying an uber-luxury escape. Please know I didn’t lie because I represented some of the best luxury properties on the planet, but I also knew the travel marketing machine wasn’t realistic.

Yet, even in properties that oozed luxury, I witnessed couples arguing over money, complaining about the beach, the sheet thread count, the food… I’m not lying when I say it was hundreds upon hundreds of travelers complaining and unhappy. As a travel public relations representative, it was my job to learn about their problems and find solutions.

I’ve had untold discussions with women travelers, asking them how they define the ultimate romantic escape. What I found is many didn’t understand their personality type, your first problem, so they had a hard time defining what they wanted. And when I asked about their partner’s wants and needs, the answers were superficial at best. Of course, I had to ask if they knew their partner’s personality type. Kinda tough to be connected to someone you don’t really understand. Agree?

As a publicist, I started with the basics: the food, the room, and the resort’s amenities. I kept on probing with more questions, and that’s when the real truth came out. So many of the women I spoke with were unhappy. They felt misunderstood, unseen, and unheard mind. Many of these women were powerful CEOs and successful entrepreneurs in their own right.

They wanted to relax and connect with their partners, not be on a constant adventure, or sit in a chaise lounge by the poolside watching them work! One of the common comments I heard was, I don’t feel that I matter anymore. This broke my heart, and honestly, I had similar feelings. When you don’t understand yourself, you let your emotions rule you, taking you down a path of despair and unworthiness.

If your personality type remains unexplored and ignored, I promise you a romantic holiday will be hard to come by. You have to know who you are, your wants and desire, so you can better communicate them to your partner. They aren’t mind readers!

An Extrovert, An Introvert On Vacation

An extrovert won’t be happy sitting by the pool day in and day out reading a book. They’ll want to explore and take action, meet new couples and the locals, or enjoy an island festival. The more activity and people, the better – extroverts are social souls.

An introvert will run from a crowded island festival. They’ll prefer to hike, read or journal or even sketch, needing downtime to reflect and process the day. They don’t need 24/7 interactions as extroverts do – introverts are reflective souls.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4SIk59sLeEu0026t=309s

Personality Traits: Knowing Opposite Pair Traits  

Please know the definitions below are very general and simplistic, but this is where I feel we can begin to better understand our traits; there is no need for overly complicated psychological terms.

Extrovert and Introvert Opposite Pairs

– An extrovert is a person who is fueled and stimulated by outer world energy, while an introvert prefers to focus their energy on their inner world. Are you beginning to see why criticizing an introvert for reading a book poolside all day is not very accepting, nor is critiquing an extroverted partner who wants to explore the island’s annual festival?

Sensing and Intuition Opposite Pairs

– The opposite pairs of sensing and intuition are how you take in information. Sensing individuals take in information based on real and tangible information in the here and now. They use their five senses and/or prefer to evaluate information based on the past, history, and traditions. While intuitive types look for information in the big picture, focusing on the relationships, possibilities, and patterns connecting them to the facts. Can you see how a sensing individual may be prone to more traditional or highly sensory escapes while an intuitive person wants to see what the future holds, preferring novel trips?

Thinking and Feeling Opposite Pairs

– These opposite pairs, thinking, and feeling, are the opposite ways people make choices, decisions, or conclusions. Thinkers typically use logic and mentally remove themselves from a decision to generate an objective response. In comparison, feelers make choices and decisions based on what’s important to another and themselves. They get involved in making decisions honoring others and seek harmony seeing everyone as an individual. Here again, can you see how a feeling person could misunderstand the thinker’s logical decision-making style? At the same time, a thinking type may not understand why everyone needs to be considered when choosing a place, stay, or attraction.

Judging and Feeling Opposite Pairs

– The final two opposite pairs judging and perceiving, are a pair of opposite traits dealing with your actions. Judging types like to live planned, structured, and orderly lives. They quickly decide and move on, liking things to be settled. While perceiving types like to go with the flow, are flexible and spontaneous, and put off decision-making as they want to stay open to all new information. They are not planners or schedulers like a judging type. Can you see how an argument could arise around this trait? A planner versus a spontaneous traveler

Personality Traits Are Our Inner Travel Guide Helping Us to Avoid Ugly Fighting

Now I’m not telling you to throw your Lonely Planet pocket guide or a destination guide out the window. But I do suggest you learn more about trait pairing. It will lead you to make better vacation choices. Our inner travel guides are our personality trait pairs, found within likened to a GPS ⏤ loaded with beautiful, complex, messy human characteristics. These inner guides help us find the best way, self-correct us if we stray off our path, offer a doorway to self-discovery, and become more accepting of our partner’s choices.

These understandings, the good and the bad, plus the why’s of our behaviors, allow us to share authentically with our partners. For example, I need to be spontaneous, and I don’t particularly appreciate sticking to a plan. If I’m traveling with a person who likes a rigid schedule, I feel restricted and forced into doing something I don’t want to do. It’s not how I operate in the world; therefore, my vacation becomes stressful and uneasy. Another traveler may need things to be ordered and planned. If not, they get frustrated with the uncertainty, and their vacation gets derailed. Can you see how opposite traits can create ugly fighting while on vacation? 

A Person Susceptible to “Wanderlust” is not so much Addicted to Movement as Committed to Transformation.

Pico Iyer, British writer and poet

How to Avoid Ugly Fighting While On Vacation

OK, let’s get back to avoiding ugly fighting while on vacation. I’ve presented a few ideas here. One of the most important to note is we have opposite functions, and the vast majority of us are attracted to and often married to a partner with opposite traits.

The best plan before you plan a vacation, get to know your judging or perceiving traits, which can’t be manipulated. You’re either a judger or a perceiver, two obvious preferences.

Extroverts and Introverts: Understanding These Traits Helps Avoid Fighting

Extrovert and Introvert traits are on full display when you travel because of their relationship to the world, inner or outer. One of the easiest things to do to avoid fighting with your partner is to get to know your personality traits; extrovert and introvert characteristics have huge roles to play.

Extrovert – This traveler is about making connections. They typically love being around people, and you’ll find them in the thick of things. Fall is a wonderful time of year for this traveler because festival season (big crowds, high energy, and lots of activities are their thing) is in full swing. They’ll want to be active and visit places that offer a variety of adventures.

Introvert – This traveler is the exact opposite. They prefer to travel to be intimate or full of solo activities – book reading, hiking with a few close friends, and time for reflection. They enjoy small groups, low-key events, a solo guitarist, walks in nature, a trip to the museum, or an intimate dinner with their partner. Remote or regional destinations are more to their liking.

A Few Parting Words To Help You Avoid Ugly Fighting On Your Next Vacation

  • Love is unconditional – you can’t change another person; why would you want to? Isn’t it why you fell in love in the first place, because they had something you truly admired? And isn’t a relationship about growing, being your best you, and supporting the best in them?
  • Embrace your differences and know that love is found in imperfections. 
  • Be grateful you have a partner who is willing to travel and has the means to do so.
  • Understand you choose your personality type. It supports your soul mission here and on earth and is best suited for your life’s challenges and struggles. And guess what? Your partner is also part of the plan. Why would you want to change the way Divine Designed you to be, or your partner, for that matter?

Here’s another great article on traveling with the opposite.

What Comes Easy Won’t Last Long, and What Lasts Long Won’t Come Easy.​

Francis Kong

You Are Not Alone

Are these questions ruminating in your mind; “Who Am I?” “How Do I Fit Into The World?” “Why Am I Here?” “What About My Dreams and Desires?” Know you are not alone 97% of people desire to know themselves better.

Here’s the thing, 97% want to change, but many of us don’t know how to find ourselves and our truth, and we often live a life based upon untruths. So I want to help you discover your True Self, the WHO of who you really are.

I’m also here for you to walk you through the pain of divorce, career disruptions, and the empty nest phase. To guide you into creating a life beyond your wildest dreams. Are you ready to identify your spiritually inspired personality type to bring about clarity, courage, and confidence? If so, get ready to share your most joyful, passionate, and juicy self with the world.

If you want to book a couple’s travel session, click the button below as I walk you through your personality type, travel perks, triggers, and what to expect on a romantic getaway.

Join The Movement

Will you join me on this journey? I believe spiritual personality typing was Divinely timed to hit the planet during this awakening time. Do you want to be part of a community bound by grace, encouragement, and truth? Then please subscribe to my email list. You’ll get front-row seats to new courses, my upcoming book and workbook, and monthly freebies! It’s shenanigans on steroids!

It’s Time to Discover; The Soul’s Role in Personality Typing ©️ – Nina Zapala, a Curious Type, ENTP.

Photo Credit: Pexels

This article was first published on October 19, 2019, and it’s been edited and updated.

xoxo

nina 

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