If you don’t know your spiritual personality, self‑love will always feel just out of reach. This realization cracked me open in midlife. My life that looked “right” on paper, but no longer felt true.
I had the relationship, the career, the carefully curated identity that made sense to everyone else, but me. I felt strangely disconnected. It was like, I was playing a role in a story I didn’t remember agreeing to. When that life began to unravel, I didn’t just lose “things”—I lost the version of myself I thought I was. And in that wild, sacred undoing, one question rose up and wouldn’t let go: if I don’t really know who I am, how can I honestly say I love myself?
If You Don’t Know You Will Be Conditioned To Believe So
We are raised to chase the “right” relationship, the “right” partner, the “right” path. Rarely are we taught to build the right relationship with ourselves. We’re sold Cinderella‑style love and glossy perfection. By midlife many of us wake up realizing we’ve built an entire life around fairy-tale roles, expectations, and survival strategies that have nothing to do with our true nature. Self‑love is supposed to be the cure, but how do you love a self you only know in fragments?
Like many seekers, my first introduction to “who I am” came through traditional personality typing—frameworks inspired by Jung and later popularized by tools like Myers‑Briggs®. Those four little letters felt like a revelation at first. They gave me language for how I think, decide, and move through the world. But the deeper I went, the more I heard a quiet, persistent whisper from within: where is the soul in all of this? Where is the part of me that knows I am more than my mind, my patterns, and my productivity?
How do you love a self you only know yourself in fragments? – Zapala
That Whisper Birthed Spiritual Personality Typing
I don’t believe we are random bundles of traits trying to cope our way through life. I believe we are spiritual beings having a human experience. That our higher consciousness—what I call the soul self—chooses a specific personality type to help us evolve into our true self. Your personality is not a costume you wear; it is a sacred set of tools your soul uses to express itself in the physical world.
When you start to see yourself this way, identity softens and deepens. You are no longer “this type” because a test told you so; you are a living pattern of Divine intelligence, learning, stretching, and remembering who you truly are. Self‑love becomes less about fixing and more about befriending the unique way your soul chose to move through this lifetime.
Where Spiritual Personality Typing and Self‑love Meet
First, Self‑Awareness
Not intellectual, but a quiet knowing: this is how my spirit naturally thinks, feels, connects, and creates. When you began seeing patterns as expressions of the Divine; and not traits to fix or shrink—to label as too much or too sensitive” patterns take on a whole new meaning. They became clues to how my soul learns and loves. Self‑awareness is the root of self‑love because you can’t cherish what you refuse to truly see.
Second, Accepting Differences
Every spiritual personality is designed to hold light and shadow as your soul grows through contrast. When you understand that caution and courage, quiet and your boldness are all part of one sacred pattern, you stop treating yourself like a problem and start honoring yourself as a mystery. A knowing that makes it easier to see other people’s differences as mirrors and invitations, not threats.
We are not what happened to us, we are what we wish to become because of it. – Zapala
Third, Relationships
Many of us arrive at midlife realizing we’ve built relationships from the outside in—being who others needed us to be. That “slightly off” feeling you can’t shake is often the signal that you’ve been living from conditioning, not from your true spiritual pattern. As you reconnect with who you really are, relationships shift from performance to presence: “This is who I am, this is how I love, this is what I need.”
Fourth, Your Intentions and Path Forward
Midlife exposes goals that never truly belonged to us—titles, milestones, and expectations that kept us busy but not fulfilled. When you see your personality as a sacred expression of your higher self, goal‑setting becomes a spiritual practice, not a race. You can ask, “What wants to express through me now?” and set goals that honor your true nature instead of forcing yourself into shapes that win applause but drain your spirit.
So where do you begin if you don’t yet know your spiritual personality—and you are feeling that ache of not fully loving yourself?
Start with Honest Curiosity
Yes, a reputable personality assessment can be a helpful doorway, as long as you approach it with awareness. Take it when you’re calm, open, and genuinely interested in self‑discovery, not when you’re rushing to squeeze yourself into a box. Treat the results as a conversation starter with your soul, not a verdict. Sit with the descriptions and notice: where do I feel a deep yes in my body? Where do I feel a no, a contraction, or a “this has never really been me”? If a type feels close but not quite right, explore the neighboring pattern that shares similar traits but differs in energy. Flow is always better than force.
Then, gently ask yourself where you’ve been living from a borrowed identity. Have you been answering questions—on tests and in life—as the person you think you “should” be, rather than who you really are? Have you shaped your personality around family expectations, cultural stories, or the needs of a partner? It’s uncomfortable to admit, but it’s also profoundly liberating. Because once you see the old script, you can start to write a truer one.
Feeling that ache of not fully loving yourself? – Zapala
Begin Slowly, Gently and Honestly
The best place to begin is saying yes and committing to a genuine relationship with your true self. Here are a few ways to do so.
Journal Prompt
Where in my life have I been living by someone else’s script—family, culture, past relationships, a mistyped “role”—and what does my soul quietly crave instead?
Let your pen move without editing or judging. Notice where you feel grief, relief, or resonance as you write; that response is often your spiritual personality tapping on the glass, asking to be seen.
Practicing Self‑Compassion in Real Life
As you begin to glimpse your true pattern, practice self‑compassion in very ordinary ways. Self‑love is not a future reward you earn once you become “better”; it’s how you treat yourself today, in the messy middle, as you remember who you’ve always been. Speak to yourself as you would to a dear friend waking up from a lifetime of pretending. Honor your limits without shame, celebrate your odd, beautiful quirks, and allow your needs to matter.
How Spiritual Personality Changes Your Life
Over time, loving yourself through the lens of your spiritual personality changes how you move through the world. You begin to choose relationships that resonate with your true nature, while understanding your fears. Decision-making begins to align with your soul’s pace and preferences. Change becomes more navigable as self trust grows. And you know who silently walks beside you—not your superficial self, but a beautiful holistic you; Divinely designed by you.
Gentle Next Steps
If this conversation is stirring something awake in you—if you sense you may have been mistyped or never given another though to the sacred language for who you really are—here are gentle next steps. You can begin with quiet reflection and journaling. You can explore more teachings on Spiritual Personality Typing℠ and let them land slowly guide your life. And when you feel ready for deeper, personal support, we can walk this path together through one‑on‑one clarity work, ongoing mentoring, or walking conversations in nature that give your soul room to breathe and speak.
You Are Right on Time
Not behind or too late. Midlife is what you make of it. An invitation to a whole new life. When you begin to know your spiritual personality, you stop asking, “What’s wrong with me?” and start asking, “What is right about how I was made—and how can I finally love that?” This is where self‑love shifts from an idea into a life you actually live.
Next Steps and Resources
If this chapter resonated, you may want to:
- Prefer video? Watch Chapter One on YouTube or read the blog here.
- Book a 1:1 session to clarify your sacred, self-identity and step into the world of new possibilities
- Explore my debut book Unpack Your Personality. Grab it On Amazon
This work is not about becoming someone new. It is about letting your soul fully express itself through your unique personality.
P.S. A Note on Support
This work is offered freely and without ads so it can remain clear, spacious, and undiluted.
If this chapter supported you—and you’d like to help sustain this work—you can do so here:
Your support allows me to continue creating soul-led resources like this.
Who Is Nina Zapala?
I’ve navigated my own midlife tsunami — that overwhelming season when everything you thought defined you starts to wash away, and the world seems to look right past you. But I’ve learned that midlife doesn’t have to mean invisibility, fighting to stay relevant, or feeling marginalized. I created a new way through this powerful chapter with a sacred self-identity paradigm called Spiritual Personality Typing℠ — a framework I developed to make sense of my own tsunami that has brought me more joy, soulful self-discovery, and intentional living. Now, I help women design lives that are entirely their own — untethered from society’s expectations and rich with new beginnings, confidence, and freedom.
Photo Credit: Nguyen Quan Unsplash
